no. 18

So, school started today for the kids. I am really going to like this routine that I will be in. It allows me to be free for a few hours every morning and every evening.
This afternoon I scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut off (seriously, really cut off) tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to cut it to about my chin with layers and bangs. It's going to be a big difference but I am excited about it. It will be easier to take care of, for sure. I just hope it doesn't make me look like I'm 12. That would be hilariously bad.
Today after I picked the boys up from school, we baked a chocolate cake. I didn't have a piece but I guess it was really good. Cool! It was actually really funny... after they had one piece we had to go meet the mothers in Crans, even though they wanted more cake. They started saying stuff about starting a revolution and getting another piece of cake. "Free the kids! Give us another piece of cake!" It was absolutely hilarious. These kids are 7 years old and they already have the concept of revolt down pat.
I also experienced the most Swiss thing since I've been here on the way home. I was driving the small mountain road back to Aminona when I turned around a corner and... there was a flock of fucking sheep being walked down the road into new pasture. Totally fucking hilarious and cool at the same time.
Susie finally messaged me back about riding at a place around Switzerland or Northern Italy. Her boyfriend, Marco, runs the grand prix in Milano and has a barn there. She is going to ask him about lessons or something similar to that. I'm extremely excited about it. Not only would I be going to Milano on a weekly basis, I would be able to ride again and learn more than ever. Maybe my jumping career will pick up and I could compete big time when I get back to the States... if I get back to the States... hah. Also, I could learn Italian. So pumped on it.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut and then going to Zurich in the evening. I am so glad I'm traveling. It'll be nice to be in a train again. I seriously need to sleep. I've been in a weird mood for the past few days or so.

no. 17

I feel pretty proud of myself. I've been really organized lately... maybe it doesn't show in the condition of my apartment (Ha, I need some serious cleaning and organizing when it comes to that) but everything else is going so smoothly.
I finally got my half-off train ticket card today. Well, the actual ID card comes sometime within the next two weeks. But I can still travel on the infamous Swiss rail system for half price... which will save me so much money. I am going to head up to Zürich this weekend and if I can find a hostel (I'm still looking for one and waiting to hear back from some) I'm going to head down to the Swiss/Italian border and go to Lugano or Locarno. I'm probably going to spend a weekend in Genève and then another weekend, head to Basel. I am so excited to travel and experience so many things.
Anyway, I've booked my very first hotel stay ever. I feel pretty good about it. I booked my mother and I's stay in Paris! We're staying at the Hôtel D'Angleterre in the Latin quarter. It's the same hotel that Hemingway stayed in when he visited Paris. Anyway, I'm just proud of myself for being organized and booking this. I'm also in charge of scheduling our trip while in Paris and also while in Tuscany.
I seriously need to get my hair cut. I'm going to cut about 3 inches off and get it layered funky and what not. I should get a highlight and color soon but seeing as I want to save up for traveling and shopping, I'm going to have to put that off. I seriously need some decent conditioner, though. My hair is beginning to feel like straw. I'm over exaggerating, it doesn't actually feel like straw. But it's dry even though I don't wash it every day. That's about it.

no. 16

To start this post off, I'm going to just let it be known that there is a monster of a fly in my apartment. I swear to god, it is bigger than my thumbnail. It is sick. I am trying everything in my power (minus killing it) to get it through the window and out of my apartment. But, of course, I am failing at doing such. I am not going to be able to fall asleep with that thing flying around sounding like a fucking helicopter. Good thing that my inability to focus on things for very long allowed me to get up and kill that sucker. Fucking gross, dude. (Pardon my French, hah)
Um, to be quite honest, I forgot what I was going to say. I've been having some difficulties staying focused on one thing at one time. It is absolute horror trying to write e-mails.

no. 15

So today was a pretty eventful day. I talked with my mom about my plans for after my stay in Swiss-land is over. Meaning, I told her that I am going back to school for English education and French. She asked where, and I told her. Louisville. University of Louisville, to be exact. Aka every Wildcat's worst nightmare. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for it, but I don't care. I will have fun giving other classmates shit. And it isn't like I'm too big on school spirit anyway. I love the city and I'd be close to my family. I definitely want to be close because my grandmother is getting older, and now she's getting knee surgery in a few months. Also, hearing what Russ had to say about the English and French departments really helped. I feel really confident with my decision. I feel like this is exactly what I should be doing. It's the same feeling I had when I woke up and said to myself, "I am going to be an aupair." It's true, that happened. I tend to talk to myself when I think of something that I find to be a good idea. Anyway, now that I've established that I'm going to be going to UofL, there is a little dilemma and it has something to do with money. Big surprise there, right? Getting on with the point - My parents and I are trying to figure out a way for me to gain residency in Kentucky so I could pay about $12,000 less a year to go to school. This is going to be really tricky but I have confidence that we can figure it out. I mean, 75% of my family lives there and my mother was born and raised there...
In other news, I have decided to cut about 3 inches off of my hair. I am going to be making an appointment sometime tomorrow afternoon. Pretty exciting.
I don't have anything else to say, actually. I just feel good and confident of my decisions. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of my indecisiveness... lord, I hope so.

no. 14

I recently found the website "We Feel Fine." (http://www.wefeelfine.org/) It's really interesting to go through and see what everyone is feeling just around the same time that you're reading it. Sometimes you find one of the posts and it just hits you. For example, someone in Poland is losing their grandmother at this moment. Another person is debating going on a diet, only because she doesn't want to be taken advantage of or be seen as attractive to anybody. Then there are people who are happy they read through Obama's website, because now they feel more informed and they feel like they're doing the right thing. There are people who feel better, who feel sad, who feel lonely, who feel like they should be somewhere else. It's grounding and comforting and uneasy. There are people out there who just said how you feel, but they're talking about themselves. There are people whose opinion on a subject makes you laugh inside. There are people who you just wish were right in front of you so you could hug them and tell them it will all be okay. This website was mainly supposed to be a sociology experiment. I feel like it's doing a lot more than telling us which place in the world has more happy people. I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel. We're all feeling something. The internet is a good place to put it down, only because it's easily accessible. And really, everyone wants somebody to know how they feel. That's why there are things such as blogs.
So, here I am, telling you how I feel about a website that tells you how other people are feeling.
But now I'll talk about other things, which will make me feel completely self absorbed. I feel disconnected and far away. Wait a second, I am far away. I'm very far away. Half of me wants to come home, the other half wants to stay here forever. When I get back to America, I want to go home (see post no. 12). I want to be in a city I love, surrounded by the people I love, the people who love me back. I want to get another cat and live in an old house that is surrounded by old trees that bloom little pink flowers each spring. I want to go back to school (what?!) and study English and French and teach. I feel compelled to teach. I want to be able to give the kids that were like me in high school someone to come to. Basically, I want to be a Mr. Kinsler (minus the Catholic school thing.) But of course, I need to realize that I will have second, third, fourth, nth thoughts about this idea. I know that my imagination will think of something else that sounds just as ravishing. There is just something about this specific thing, though. And I have been getting better about making decisions and being proactive. And (and, and, and,) for the past few months, I've been really sure of this one thing I've been feeling.
Besides that, I wish I would have gotten a chance to talk to him today. I was busy watching a stupid (but hilarious) movie.
One last thing - sometimes I wish I didn't write this all down here. I feel like I'm exposing too much and the wrong person will read it and I'll get embarrassed. But oh well.

no. 13

Today was one of those days where you could do absolutely nothing but sit on a bench and look around you for hours and still feel productive and inspired. Today, I did just that for a little while. Except I was sitting on a bench in the sculpture garden of the art museum in Martigny. I can honestly say that today went better than I planned. I saw so many amazing works of art. I was truly relaxed and content, despite my feet acquiring blisters due to new shoes. Being able to see a lot of Balthus' stuff was really moving. I almost cried when I saw the 40 images from Mitsou. (See image) I'm guessing that's because I just lost my cat. Speaking of, there was a cat at the café that was in the sculpture garden. He came over to my table while I was reading Nabokov and drinking coffee. I pet him and he laid flat on his back and almost fell asleep... until he saw some birds and off he went. I also got to see a lot of Leonardo de Vinci... which was really interesting. I bought my brother some postcards, my grandmother a bookmark, and I also bought a bottle of apricot spirits that was grown/distilled in Valais, the canton where I live. I don't want to open it. Honestly, the only reason I made the purchase is because the bottle is incredibly gorgeous.
Later on in the day, Eron asked about universities in Switzerland. I pointed a few out to him, more specifically the ones in Lausanne because Lausanne is beautiful and close to me. He told me later that he is trying to get over here next summer, but he'd have to take classes or do research. I am really, really excited to hear about that. I could go into it, but I won't. A few of my closest friends and my mother know what I'm talking about. Some things, like Baby Bear's belongings, are just right. On that note, I'm one hundred percent positive that my stomach could win an Olympic gold medal for gymnastics. And now all I can do is sing Goo Goo Dolls... I want to wake up where you are...

no. 12

Today Eron sent me an e-mail asking me if I was coming home for Christmas. Really, it isn't anything big... at least it shouldn't be. I read "home" and immediately thought "Kentucky." I didn't think America, Madison, my parents, no. I thought of Louisville, and I got homesick and worried. I am positive that the holidays will be the hardest time for me to be thousands of miles away from the people I love. Now that I'm on that topic, I'm starting to wonder what's going to happen when my grandmother dies. Every year for the past, I don't know, ever since my mother's family has been a family, everyone gets together for Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house in Louisville. I don't know what's going to happen when she's gone. Our family is close so I hope that we all get together still, and hopefully still in Louisville. I have a feeling that my aunt Marie and uncle Dave will take over the responsibility. I don't want to think about this anymore.
I solved my problem with my lack of English books. A store that's connected to the funiculaire station in Sierre has an extremely small selection of books in English. I found one that seemed interesting and I like it so far. It's "Then We Came to the End" by Joshua Ferris. It's basically a corporate office themed novel and it's pretty good, surprisingly. He has a very modern writing style, but I like it. It comforts me when good, fairly successful authors use words like "fuck-up" in a sentence and it fits so well that you don't realize it.
I have 6 brand new glasses from Ikea and noticing that I don't need 6 new glasses is depressing me. I have zero (seriously) friends here, thus meaning I have no need for more than two glasses. Especially because the only thing I drink besides coffee or espresso is water.
I have nothing else to say. I decided I'm going to go see the Balthus exhibit in Martigny tomorrow. It's probably going to be raining, so perfect. I am also probably going to go to Manor and get a few things for my apartment. I need to go to Ikea again. I need to do a lot of things.
I wish that people would come visit me here. Too bad no one can afford it.

no. 11

So I'm back from Germany. Europa Park was pretty fun. I've been describing it to my family as a good medium between Disney World and Six Flags. Six Flags being for adults and thrill seekers, Disney World for the kids (and also extremely annoying after four hours.) Europa Park has their theme-scheme down pat; They did a great job with the details of every section of their park. They also did a great job with making sure there was things for everybody. Kids had their play places and stupid rides like "Pirates in Batavia", and the grown-ups had thrill rides like EuroMir and the Silver Star. It was a good time, but I'm glad I'm back. There is only so much you can take of something.
Well anyway, I'm in the process of personalizing my apartment. Finally. A month after I move in and I finally do something to make it feel like home. I went to Ikea in Aubonne yesterday. It was a really beautiful drive... being able to look to your side and see the "Swiss Riviera" made an hour and a half fly by. I got a new bedspread and it's totally cute, dude. I also got a few new cups, some new towels, placemats, a new scrubby thing for doing dishes, new pillows (oh my god, awesome) and a dirty clothes hamper. Totally makes a difference, I'm not even kidding. There was a really awesome print that I wanted of tree branches from the perspective of if you were looking up at the sky in a forest. It would go perfectly on this wall but, of course, it was like 95 CHF. No dice. I still have a lot of things to buy for my apartment to make it how I want it... I actually just made a list. It's kind of long but I seriously am in need of this shit. I'm going to have to go to Ikea again on a Saturday that I have off. I'm going to have to stop in Geneva and go to this bookstore that sells English books on the same day. I only have one short story left of my FINAL book that I have in English, it's rather upsetting. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done.
Speaking of needing things... I am slowly withering away. I am in desperate need of a ukulele.

no. 10

I'm going to Germany in the morning for three days. We're all going to Europa Park. I'm pretty excited about it. A part of me really needs to get into a routine, though. I haven't been able to sleep well. That isn't very new, though. I've consistently haven't been able to sleep well for extended periods of time for the past 10 years of my life.
Either way, I've been throwing around ideas for my future. (Here we go again...) I have been thinking about radio, among other things. That comes from me listening to a lot of This American Life podcasts. Speaking of listening to things... I've finally mustered up the courage to download the MGMT album. They are exactly what My Old Kentucky Blog said they were. They're a band you hate to love. They are the epitome of a Urban Outfitters/American Apparel love child. They are catchy and intricate and awesome.
I hate the way this blog looks, but I am incapable of doing a decent job with HTML and I am not going to go surfing the web for something to fix it, either.
Tonight I watched Coffee and Cigarettes. The short with GZA and RZA and Bill Murray is fantastic. God, I love that man. Bill Murray, that is.
A large portion of me wants to stay in Europe forever. At the same time, a decent sized portion of me wants to live in a small house in Louisville with a new kitten, my bike, and a fresh pot of fair trade coffee, with no real plans.

no. 9

Hello and yet again, a lot of things have happened in the past week or so.
I got back to Switzerland just fine. I met some really cool people on my flight back. One guy whose dad lives in Italy, another guy who is from Lithuania. I wish I would have gotten contact information from both of them. They were both really, really cool. The flight back inspired me to organize and motivate myself to do a few things... one of them being to start writing a short story I have an idea for, the other to really practice my French hard and then (or perhaps at the same time) learn Russian, Lithuanian, or any other northern/eastern European language. If I learn Russian, it'll be easier for me to learn other languages that are similar... like Lithuanian or something. That would be just plain awesome.
Anyway, Antoine's cousins are in town. Well, the older one, Titiana just left yesterday. One day we all went to this place called Labyrinth Aventure. It's basically a huge maze, plus huge slides, plus really ridiculous activities like mini golf (pool table style) and wooden pinball mechanisms. They did have one of those old school bicycles that you could ride, though. Like the one on the right there. But obviously not with a dude like that riding it... though it was pretty funny seeing an obviously German guy with a beer belly riding it. Hah.
We also went to this place called AquaParc... which is equivalent to the water park at the Wilderness Resort in the Wisconsin Dells. I had fun, I suppose. I had fun if you count being in a chlorine infested space surrounded by a thousand screaming children all in a language you don't fully understand. It was whatever, though. It kept the kids busy and swimming is good exercise, right?
Anyway, now the post is going to get pretty sad... my mother called me on Saturday night. I still don't believe what she said to me is real. She told me my cat passed away on Friday. I am so sad. I guess that his tumors were cancerous. I don't even really want to say anymore about it. It seems fake, as if I'm in a dream. As if when I go back to America, he'll be there to greet me. I just have to take everything in stride.
So much in my life is changing that it's getting hard to comprehend everything at once. I just need to take everything in stride. I need to have patience and I need to stay motivated.

Yesterday I spent the day making "podcasts". I got bored and started fooling around with GarageBand. Here are the first three episodes... Just go ahead and click the episode title to download.

Swiss Cheese - A Podcast with Cara Tobe
Episode #1 - Viva La Uke
A podcast dedicated to everyone's favorite little instrument... the ukulele!

Episode #2 - The Cover Edition
Cara shows you a few of her favorite cover songs.

Episode #3 - Swiss Discothèque
An hour-long dance mix that Cara put together.