Currently, I am an emotional train wreck. Yeah. It's actually really terrible. Then again, I'm exaggerating the terrible part. I just feel completely overwhelmed. There are so many things that I've never had to do i.e. take care of a child, create a menu for a family for lunch (not dinner), drive a manual car, speak French, use foreign currency, etc. Really, the little jobs I have to do aren't the problem. Neither is Antoine. It's the mom that I'm worried about. I try to do something right and somehow I do it wrong and she gets so frustrated with me and yells... but what does she expect? It's my 3rd day here and I don't know French and I have never done anything like this before. I'm not some super hero nanny on steroids. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what they like and don't like, I have no clue. She expects a lot from me so soon. I'm not capable of giving her that.
And as much as I thought I'd never miss America, I seriously miss my family and my friends. I want to be able to ride bikes to Escape and take day trips to Chicago and be able to drive to Louisville. I don't know. I'm so nervous and frustrated and scared.
On the plus side, it's beautiful still. Don't think that will change anytime soon. I also met a girl from Cannes and she is really cool. I might go out with her tonight, I'm not sure. I know that if I'm still here when the Cannes Festival is going on, I'm going to go visit her and go to that with her. Also next weekend, I'm going to Zürich and hanging out with Martin. I'm excited about that! Oh and Susie is in Geneva for the next two weeks and then going to Italy to be with her boyfriend Marco, I might go hang out with her at either place sometime soon. I want to see Europe, I just am having a hard time being here in Aminona.
I met the neighbors today, well the dad (Stephane) and the little girl. They're really cool and super nice. They are vegetarians and musicians... Stephane plays the piano and sings. I told him I play the ukulele so maybe once I get that sent over, him and I can "jam sesh". Maybe I'll learn how to play the piano as well as speak French.
Anyway, who knows where I'll be come two weeks from now. I don't want to plan on anything besides traveling right now. My mind doesn't think that far in advance when it comes to big decisions. I've also been thinking a lot about my future (ha, imagine that) and I definitely want to stick with writing and reading and what not. Speaking of, I'm currently reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac. I love it.
And now, a quote.
"And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."
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