no. 42

Christmas in Sheffield was a lot of fun and was very interesting (you know, with rabbit heads and brain eating cats and burning swings and 2nd degree burns...). I loved attempting to play the uke with all the accordions and fiddles and what not. I'm going to have to do some mad downloading of English folk tunes and try to figure out a way to play along because those tune seshes are sweet! And of course the beer is fantastic, and the tea... and the extremely fattening breakfast... yum. I must have gained 9028 pounds while I was there. Anyway, I believe it's safe to say that I can't wait to go back and spend more time there.
Now it's back to work for me.
It's odd to think that in a few days, this year will be over. So much has happened and changed since this time last year. So far, this is probably the best year yet. I've gone from a college drop out, to working and living in Switzerland organizing a move to Paris. I'm pretty amped about it all. I can't wait to see where the future takes me!
I've been getting pretty bored at nights here so I'm going to start making blankets. I'm a firm believer in that no one person can have enough blankets. They are all that is good. That's KABLAMO!

no. 41

So, I'm moving to Paris in August/September. I don't know if I'm going to that school yet, but I'm moving there no matter what. Kelly is moving with me! We're going to share a one bedroom and put framed pictures of Old Greg up on the walls. I am seriously so excited about this even though I know I will be dead broke and fucking busy as hell. But I figure my school work will be fun stuff... I will have to go around Paris exploring and taking pictures and developing them and editing them in the lab. I don't mind that at all. I also don't mind if I have to work night shifts every night or babysit on the weekends. I am excited! Paris, man! PARIS! It's going to happen!

no. 40

First off, this is post number 40. Sweet!
Now to the real point of this sucker...
I've decided that I'm going to apply to a 32 week photography school/program in Paris, France starting September 21st, 2009 lasting until May 2010. I am really excited about this but also extremely nervous. I know I have some decent pictures, but I don't know if they'll cut it and get me in. I really hope that I'm able to do this. It would be good for me... I'd get in and out of school in a year, I'd live in Paris, and I'd make a lot of friends and contacts in the area. I hope to get everything done and sent in by the end of this week... wish me luck! Ahh!
(Oh, and about 9 days until Sheffield!)

no. 39

I finally feel better... thankfully. I only have this lingering cough but it isn't anything serious at all. There are 13 days (12, kind of) until I go to Sheffield for Christmas. Holy crap. This year has gone by fast and I have done more than I ever thought I could in one year. I've dropped out of college, moved back home, spent yet another Christmas in Kentucky, worked full time and was successful at what I did, made some amazing friends, rekindled friendship with others, I took my first trip to Kentucky by myself (will not be the last, no matter where I end up), I came up with an idea and followed through, and now I'm here in Switzerland. I'm learning French, I'm making some of the best friends of my life (I love you girls) and I'm doing so much that I thought would always remain a dream. I am happy with how I'm growing up, I'm happy with who I'm shaping myself to be. There are a lot of choices for me to make in the next few months, but I have the confidence in myself that I will make a good decision. Who knows where I'll end up! But really, I could have just posted this...
"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -- it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." - Jack Kerouac, from On The Road

no. 38

I have been having really, really vivid dreams lately. I always say I need to start to write them down but I think last night's dream is finally going to make me do it. It was so real and vivid and detailed... like for instance, the guy I had fallen in love with in my dream was named Zach. Since when do the characters you've never met before in dreams get names? And so quickly, too? I don't know why it was so vivid but it was. So I'm going to make it into a story. Maybe I'll start on it tomorrow... who knows.

no. 37

I've been thinking a lot lately (because I've had a lot of time doing nothing due to my sickness) and I guess I've been laughing about my past. There are so many things that seem so trivial now that were such a big deal when I was younger. You know, curfews... totally a thing that I will not have to worry about again. Hahah. It's funny how things like that look so foreign and young and ridiculous now that I'm this old. Hahah.
Anyway, I've been pretty pumped about La Blogotheque. They make some pretty amazing videos and of course the music is always awesome. I definitely suggest watching any/all videos. They did all the videos for Beirut's Flying Club Cup. Those are what got me hooked, actually!
Well, I wish I could sleep. Ciao.

no. 36

So I am pretty sure I got Rosie's sickness... which is a total bummer.
I am kind of a mental mess right now. Oh well. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't think this headache / sore throat is helping any.
I need to get a decent night's rest... I hope that these two Tylenol cold PMs will help. The past few nights have been either no sleep or bad sleep or little sleep with very intense dreams. round and round and round and round. Talk about sleep cycle. Hah.

no. 35

It's Thanksgiving, kind of. It's Thanksgiving back home and everyone is at my grandmother's house. I miss them, I miss Louisville, I miss all of that. Even though Switzerland and surrounding areas have been preparing for Christmas for the past two weeks or so, now it's really in the home stretch. This weekend I am going to a Christmas Market in Montreux, Switzerland on the lake. I plan on getting a lot of gifts for people and sending boxes over.
I haven't been able to think straight all week. I don't know what's gotten into me.

no. 34

Well, the first real snow of the season has arrived. There is a good two to three feet on the ground right now and last night it got down to -6 C. A few runs opened in the resort last weekend, but I think during the week they're just keeping them closed because there aren't any tourists here yet. That's okay, I still have to get my season ski pass... and find boots for my snowboard hah.
I'm really happy because I will not be spending my Christmas alone! Rosie and her mum invited me over to their place for Christmas. I'm really, really grateful for that. I'm so happy and excited about this! Even though I'll have to sleep in East Midlands airport on Christmas night... oh well! So worth it. I'm still going to miss my family back in Louisville so much, an incredible amount, really. But I really am so glad that I will not be spending it alone.
I'm starting to feel pretty detached with everything lately. I've also realized a lot about my plans in life. I'm terrified I will get back to the States and won't be able to find a job. I really hope that being over here is a good boost on my resume. I suppose it would have been better if I was fluent in Spanish, just because of how common that language is there. But I love French, so I'm glad.
I just realized that I am missing all of NCAA Men's Basketball. What a huge bummer. I hope someone here will want to do a bracket with me... or Jack can fill out my bracket at home for me.
And yet again, I have so much to say but I don't have the courage to do so.

no. 33

So yesterday I got my hair cut and colored. I really, really like it. I feel like it makes me feel older, which is what I need/want. I'm sick of people being surprised that I'm 20 (because they thought I was 17. Depressing, really.)
My mom told me yesterday that I will be getting a lot of Christmas gifts. I'm pretty excited about it. I think that means I'm getting a whole new wardrobe sent to me. Good deal! I'm going to be a depressed puppy during the holidays. I'll be the only Wilson family member not at Christmas this year. I'll also be missing one of my favorite cities in the world.
Lately, I've been getting up really early. I mean, I have my alarm set for 6:55 am and I somehow am always awake to hear it go off. I don't understand why I'm up that early. I also don't understand why I'm having really odd dreams. Like how somehow Geneva's train station looked like the one in Florence and how I was on the news for the pants I wore. I don't know, don't ask me.
Anyway, I'm getting pumped for the snow to come this weekend. I'm also getting pumped for my ~season pass!! I need to save up money like MAD.

no. 32

The theme behind this post is "Change."
No, I'm not talking President Elect Obama... but that is some awesome change that definitely needed to come to America. Instead, I'm talking about a personal change within myself.
Last week, I came to the realization that I just turned 20. I know, a few weeks late. But really the realization wasn't that I was 20 years old, I had just realized that, "holy shit, I'm not a teenager. I'm TWENTY. I don't feel twenty..." So suppose that there are two parts of aging. One being the physical, real change that your body goes through. The other being your mind.
My revelation is that I need to start caring like I'm twenty. I realized that I am lazy about getting ready and taking care of myself. Realizing that made me feel 100% frumpy. So, now I'm going to give myself a makeover. I am getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow. I am in the process of completely revamping my wardrobe. I found myself looking at heels online, completely terrified, forcing myself to think, "Well, those don't look that hard to walk in. I could definitely do it."
I'm also really starting to contemplate the decision I have to make by February next year. Where will I go? What will I do? Do I go back to uni? If so, what for? Will I really be able to find a job in this economy? The list of questions seems never ending. Right now, what I'm banking on, is going back to school at University of Louisville for a double major in English and French. I will get an apartment, either by myself or with someone else, and I will get a kitten. By doing this, I would need to take out a student loan. By taking out a student loan, I will give myself a reason to do well. (Because I'm fucking paying for it.) I am going to Louisville because that is where my family is and where my heart-roots are planted. I'm at a time in my life where I need to take in everything my grandmother has to say before it's too late.
After I get degrees, who knows what I'll be doing. Who knows if that's what I'll even be studying. I suppose no one really ever knows what exactly will happen next, but the point is to have confidence in something so you have a pretty good chance of getting it done.
I need to have confidence in myself. I need to realize that I can do this. Yeah, it'll be hard. I'll probably want to drop out again. But the most important thing I need to do is take myself seriously.

no. 31

I am seriously missing my friends and family and the holiday season is going to be painful. But on the bright side, I'm going to Toulouse in a few weeks. I'm also going to a gypsy bar in Geneva next weekend. I am in an extremely nostalgic mood and I want to say so much but I just can't bring myself to do it.

no. 30

Well, it's my 30th post. Congrats me...? Hahah.
Anyway, I have been super upbeat since I had all the weekend to relax and revitalize myself.
Tonight I had my first French lesson in Switzerland. It went pretty well... except our teacher goes really fast and I kept trying to fill in answers and because I was doing that I wasn't paying attention and I would get confused. But next time I'll be uber focused. I'm pretty excited about it. Practically everyone in my class is from Germany or Austria except for one girl who is Portuguese. Maybe I can learn some basic German while I perfect my French? Hahah. I can dream.
I feel pretty at home here in my little studio. I am getting used to everything and finally have everything where I want it. It also helps that I have my ukulele and food and water and wine. You know, life's essentials (that does include the uke.) I don't understand how anyone could NOT like the ukulele. It's so small, and cute, and you can make it sound either really happy and fun or utterly depressing. It's awesome. I've been getting a lot better at it, too. I want to have someone to make music with. Viet said that he has a piano and a guitar at his place, so I might have to hang with him one weekend in Genève.
Anyway, my weekend trip to Toulouse is a go ahead. I am pretty much going out of my skin to see Gogol Bordello and rage so hard. It should be absolutely life changingly fun. So pumped!
Um, I don't have much else to say I suppose. I still miss the people I've been missing. I've been here for a full four months and I've got nine left. I can't wait to see my brothers again (and this includes the one from anotha motha brother E) and I can't wait to see Eron and ride bikes around Madison with Michaela again and go to Escape and drink so much Bike Fuel and listen to jazz on the loudspeakers and watch the crazies come and go... but I am really glad I'm here and able to experience everything.
Jacob Borshard has a new album out called A Glow in the Dark and it's seriously pretty incredible. You should all go download it (it's free!) It's also filled with ukulele goodness and cute lyrics that will make you go, "awww." Click here, dudes. Scroll all the way to the right. You can also download his two previous albums (I highly recommend doing so)

no. 29

So I literally spent this whole weekend as a hermit in my apartment and I am very, very glad I did so. I slept so much and relaxed and played my ukulele. I also began planning my three day weekend to Toulouse, France. Allow me to explain in a different paragraph...
So I found out earlier this week that I have Monday, December 8th off. So, of course, I want to go somewhere. I was thinking going to Amsterdam or Spain or something like that, but I stumbled on the Gogol Bordello website and found out that they are going to be in France that weekend. So I was like hell yeah! I'll do that! So I plan on hanging out in Toulouse for the weekend and then ending it with a huge gypsy punk party and after party. I am so amped, really. I can't wait to go. I guess there are cool markets to go to in Toulouse, and it's a Mediterranean climate so it doesn't get too cold (at least compared to the mountains hah)
Anyway, I'm going to go see Quantum of Solace tonight while it's still in English. I love action movies. I also just now started watching Black Cat, White Cat. It's a film from the Balkans, it's pretty funny actually. I need to finish it later tonight. A quote from it: "Cards are like whores. Fickle."

no. 28

"This Is the Impossibility of the Existence of Anything."

I fear I have become apathetic. I feel absolutely under stimulated. I feel like I need to read more books. That new English bookstore in Lausanne will probably be really good for me in the winter. I'll plan on taking my Wednesdays to go read / get a new book / hang out in Lausanne. Maybe I need to slap myself in the face (metaphorically speaking) and get some motivation to go out and do something with my time and energy instead of run around the mountain. I wish I lived in a city, I really do. I have always found a lot of comfort and inspiration in cities, whether that be Madison, Milwaukee, Louisville, Geneva... you name it. I wish I was able to be closer to the friends that I have (who are amazing and I love them dearly).
And now I need to stop myself from going any further. You can always wish for something else that could be easier, be potentially better, to be somewhere else. Wishing that something was different and actually acting on what you want and need are two different things. I need to make use of my time. I need to get off this damn computer and read what books that I have. I need to steer away from the weekend norm, I need to get out and explore what is around me. I need more random night adventures. What I really need is a good discussion about books, philosophies, reality. I need intellectual stimulation.

What I really need is sleep.

no. 27

It has been a long time since I have posted. I was on a 2 week vacation with my mother to Paris, Venice, and Florence. It was a lot of fun and extremely sad to see her go back "over the pond". I don't feel like talking about it much, I have pictures up on my Flickr.
Anyway, my little ukulele is now accompanying me in Switzerland. It feels good to have it back... and that sounds incredibly pathetic and lame. It is extremely nice having something to do besides wasting time watching YouTube or Stumbling Upon things. I want to have people to make music with... cough cough Rosie...?
A new English bookstore opened in Lausanne a few weeks ago and I guess they're organizing some sort of book club / cocktail night. I am pretty excited about that because then I will get out of the house more often. It will be cheap too, seeing as I got the "Voie 7" pass on my demi-prix card... meaning I get to ride the trains and buses for free after 7pm.
I am also going to do my own version of Beirut's "Rhineland (Heartland)" on the uke. "Life, life is alright on the... Rhone..."

no. 26

I've been trying to flush this cold out of my system so I am drinking liter after liter of water, and then some cups of tea. It will be good for me, even if it doesn't rinse me of this sickness.
I am getting really excited about my ukulele. I am going to bring it with me everywhere and play it constantly. I hope that I can get Antoine to learn to play or something. It could be totally cute.
I have been thinking a lot about what things will be like in the States after I move back. I think I'm going to get accustomed to saying "merci" instead of "thank you" and looking everyone in the eyes when there is a toast (seven years of bad sex!) I am going to hate not having 2 hours for lunch and not having raclette available at a grocery store. I am getting nervous about coming back to the States. I don't want to but then again I do. Fuck. So confusing.
On the other hand, I'm about to pass out.
I'm going to Gex tomorrow after Michele and Antoine leave for St. Maurice Island. Kelly is finally moving to a family that won't starve her and we're going to play Amy Winehands (get it!?) and watch Mean Girls. I am staying in Lausanne on Sunday night at Monika's, which is really nice of her to do. I need to pack everything up tomorrow or Sunday. This is me falling asleep on my keyboard.
I hope you get back from wherever you're at... it's lonely here without you...

no. 25

So I've been getting over a pretty wicked cold recently. That's why I'm awake right now, actually. I can't seem to fall asleep when I feel like I have a boulder stuck in my throat.
Anyway, I am now 20 years old. It feels pretty strange to be that age. I am no longer a teenager. 20 automatically seems a lot more "mature" than 19. I think it's because 19 ends with the word "teen". Anyway, it was a good birthday. I talked to Eron for awhile and I talked to my grandmother. She is still in rehab from her knee surgery; I guess she has to be there for another two weeks. She sounded like she was about to cry and she was practically begging for me to move down to Louisville before October of next year. And just so you all know, I plan on making that happen.
I am meeting my mother in Paris on Monday, and that will begin our two week tour of France and Italy. Well, really just Paris, Venice, and Florence but either way. I am really excited about this. I miss my mom terribly and I can't wait to see her. I am 99% sure it's going to be pretty emotional. Oh well. I am just going to be so happy. I definitely need to talk to her about a few things that are pretty important to me.
I don't know what else to say, really. I'm definitely ready for this little two week vacation to start. I guess my mom decided to bring my ukulele with her (WIN) and that makes me really pumped. Pretty soon I can waste my time / annoy my neighbors by playing the uke rather than YouTube videos. My weeknight life is so interesting, no? Oh and I would also like to mention that I played Erin's little blue ukulele this weekend and I was able to play Bflat. What the hell. I practice that shit for hours on end and then I don't play anymore, and once I pick it up again it's like bam! Congrats, Cara! You can play Bflat now! It's like fucking magic.
Seeing as I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours, I decided to drink a glass of wine to see if that would zonk me out. It's doing the job, and it's also making my throat feel a little better. My working fridge (woooo) really keeps things ice cold. Righteous.

Oh, earlier today I was wondering whether the springtime in the Alps will be as pretty as springtime in Kentucky. Because honestly, nothing beats the little pink flowers on practically every tree in the Highlands. I long to be there now.

no. 24

So the highlight of my day yesterday was getting a working fridge in my apartment. You have no idea how happy it made me. Hahah. That's so pathetic sounding... a fridge that does its job makes me extremely happy. Oh well, I got to enjoy a glass of cold wine in my apartment for the first time in 4 months. Woop woop.
Either way, I'm writing this while finishing my tea. I am going to do a quick clean of my apartment and then head to the family's house.
It's crazy to think that I'm going to be 20 on Monday. It doesn't really feel like it's going to be my birthday. It really snuck up on me this time. I kind of forgot about it until a few weeks ago. I'm really excited to go out in Geneva and in Lyon this weekend. It'll be really fun to have everyone together again.
I'm extremely excited for my mom to come visit me in less than two weeks. I can't wait. I miss her a lot. It'll be really nice to chat like we always do. Plus, it'll be hilarious going on that bike tour in Tuscany. Speaking of, I seriously need to get my camera fixed. (Writing that in my Moleskine planner now...)
Anyway, I am sending in my absentee ballot thing next week Tuesday probably. I'm also going to send out yet another flock of postcards, Micaela's package, and probably some chocolate and a postcard to Jacob. Michaela already got her postcard so I'm expecting Patzke and Eron to get theirs soon too. I should practice how to speak in French when I'm at the poste. Oh, and that reminds me that I start classes November 10th. I am really pumped for those. I want to be fluent like ASAP. I decided the other day that when I get older and if I have kids, they're all going to be bilingual. I am going to speak French with them and they have to speak French with me. Then when they're in high school or middle school or something, they can learn another language if they want. It'll be really good for them just in general and also they'll be able to learn other latin-based languages a lot easier.
Anyway, time to vaccuum.
PS: Kings of Leon's "Aha Shake Heartbreak" album is down right amazing. It never gets old, ever.

no. 23

Everything is falling apart. Both literally and non.
Last night, I thought something was living under my kitchen. I was too scared to open the cabinet. Eventually everything got quiet and it was no big deal. But, this morning, I opened my fridge to get sirop, and what do you know! My fridge was warmer than it was in my apartment. Fuck me, right?
I need to clean this beast and get organized. I also need to tell Michele that my fridge broke down. I also still need to get a garbage can that isn't just strapping a garbage bag to the back of my cabinet door under the sink. (That's broken, too... but I can manage to make the rubber thing stay.)

In other news, after more than three years, I'm still madly in love with Sam Brown and his heart-wrenching comics at explodingdog.com...

"We fell in love, and the next day he was gone forever."

no. 22

"I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time, without interruption, endlessly, even though I feel that here in this world there’s no undisturbed place for our love, neither in the village nor anywhere else; and I dream of a grave, deep and narrow, where we could clasp each other in our arms as with clamps, and I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more."
-Franz Kafka

no. 21

All I can really say right now is, "Well, fuck me."
The way that the economy is going is really, really scaring me. My parents just lost a big account at their office and there is no work coming in. It's serious business and it isn't pretty. Economies all around Switzerland are going down the drain or are in recession now (France, Germany, Italy...) and America is really pretty shitty too.
Oh, and Michèle freaked on me tonight for forgetting a half a load of laundry in the wash. I would go on, but I'm not going to. All I'm going to say is that I am frustrated/upset/slightly angry/nervous/not happy with the past few days. I feel like I want to crawl in my bed and not move until my mom comes. I want to run and hide away somewhere other than here. I could go hide away in Italy. I could volunteer in Geneva. I could do a lot of things. But I always run, I know this. I admit to this. This is a fault of mine. I need to stand up and actually talk about all of this. That's so hard for me to do, though. It would require so much self "cheerleading".
I want my mom to be here. Ugh. That's the only word I can use for how I feel. Ugh.
Instead, I'll listen to the Beatles and try not to be scared by the shit that is moving under my kitchen sink. I am having thoughts about opening that door because I'm pretty sure it might be a mouse. Just, someone, steal me away from this shit. It sucks that a decent day turned into a really pretty terrible night.

no. 20

Being far away from the person you would never want to be far away from is the worst.
It's like there is a rope between the two of you, and there is some really cruel character with a handsaw and day by day he puts a little more pressure on the rope. That's all it feels like. It sucks, that's it. It takes it's toll on you and you don't know when it's going to stop, because eventually it does. And it may not be the prettiest sight.
I'm just looking for a little sense of where you are on this. But god knows (uh), I am incapable of getting the guts to actually ask for some clarity.

On a different yet somehow related note, I was in Geneva and around the UN and Red Cross and World Health Organization and etc. It was really moving just to be around that stuff. I walked past a refugee camp today and I realized that I need to do something. I have been thinking maybe I should try to work for the UN or WHO or something. Maybe I can be an ambassador or consulate something, but that would require me dealing with, and being associated with, the American government... which might not be all that safe/smart/good in the coming years. Who knows. I want to go back to the States because I miss my family and I feel like going to Louisville is what I need to do. My grandmother had surgery on her knee recently and I have been missing her a lot. I want to be able to visit her in the hospital. I want to be able to help her when she is back at her house. After she is done healing, I want to be able to come over for laundry, dinner, and conversation. There is so much I want to know. But at the same time, I don't ever want to leave Europe. The lifestyles here suit me much more than in the States. Everything is so much more inspiring, beautiful, interesting, everything.

I need to start writing my thoughts down on paper. I need to start focusing on what is to come after this year. I have time, I know this well. But I need to brainstorm.
"What if your love is not the same as it seems inside my brain?"

no. 19

I know I haven't posted in a long time. I haven't had patience or concentration for it. Now by saying that, I'm not going to promise that I have enough patience or concentration even right now. I mean, I've already had to pause this sucker for a few hours because I wanted to get some new music.
Moving on.
The past few weeks have been pretty interesting. I don't really feel like catching everyone up. (Exhibit A: No patience.) Basically, I went to Geneva and I went to Milano. Well, technically Pavia. Italy is incredibly gorgeous and I can't wait to go back. I love it there.
The only reason I'm posting today is because I want to express one certain thing. That is, sometimes you just know exactly what you want to do and you know that it's going to be good for you. I had this feeling when I dropped out of college, and when I started working at ANiU, and when I bought my plane ticket to Switzerland, and most recently, deciding to move to Louisville after this year is over. In an equal yet totally different way, I am so glad that I'm able to talk to Micaela, Ethan, and Eron. It feels good to be in touch and talk like normal with your first real best friend. It feels good to have someone who understands you. It feels good to have someone who makes you feel good inside, who makes you breathe a little easier.
On the other hand, it does not feel good to be alone here. I am not being proactive with meeting people in my town, but I am pretty good at going out of town and meeting people. I am not liking being alone in my apartment. I wish I had a pet, more specifically a kitten. I just don't want to be alone anymore, and I don't mean seeking "one night stands" or a meaningless relationship while I'm here just for comfort. I couldn't do that.
I could keep going, but I am tired and it's getting late here.
Show me the way to go home... I'm tired and I wanna go to bed... I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone straight to my head...

no. 18

So, school started today for the kids. I am really going to like this routine that I will be in. It allows me to be free for a few hours every morning and every evening.
This afternoon I scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut off (seriously, really cut off) tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to cut it to about my chin with layers and bangs. It's going to be a big difference but I am excited about it. It will be easier to take care of, for sure. I just hope it doesn't make me look like I'm 12. That would be hilariously bad.
Today after I picked the boys up from school, we baked a chocolate cake. I didn't have a piece but I guess it was really good. Cool! It was actually really funny... after they had one piece we had to go meet the mothers in Crans, even though they wanted more cake. They started saying stuff about starting a revolution and getting another piece of cake. "Free the kids! Give us another piece of cake!" It was absolutely hilarious. These kids are 7 years old and they already have the concept of revolt down pat.
I also experienced the most Swiss thing since I've been here on the way home. I was driving the small mountain road back to Aminona when I turned around a corner and... there was a flock of fucking sheep being walked down the road into new pasture. Totally fucking hilarious and cool at the same time.
Susie finally messaged me back about riding at a place around Switzerland or Northern Italy. Her boyfriend, Marco, runs the grand prix in Milano and has a barn there. She is going to ask him about lessons or something similar to that. I'm extremely excited about it. Not only would I be going to Milano on a weekly basis, I would be able to ride again and learn more than ever. Maybe my jumping career will pick up and I could compete big time when I get back to the States... if I get back to the States... hah. Also, I could learn Italian. So pumped on it.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut and then going to Zurich in the evening. I am so glad I'm traveling. It'll be nice to be in a train again. I seriously need to sleep. I've been in a weird mood for the past few days or so.

no. 17

I feel pretty proud of myself. I've been really organized lately... maybe it doesn't show in the condition of my apartment (Ha, I need some serious cleaning and organizing when it comes to that) but everything else is going so smoothly.
I finally got my half-off train ticket card today. Well, the actual ID card comes sometime within the next two weeks. But I can still travel on the infamous Swiss rail system for half price... which will save me so much money. I am going to head up to Zürich this weekend and if I can find a hostel (I'm still looking for one and waiting to hear back from some) I'm going to head down to the Swiss/Italian border and go to Lugano or Locarno. I'm probably going to spend a weekend in Genève and then another weekend, head to Basel. I am so excited to travel and experience so many things.
Anyway, I've booked my very first hotel stay ever. I feel pretty good about it. I booked my mother and I's stay in Paris! We're staying at the Hôtel D'Angleterre in the Latin quarter. It's the same hotel that Hemingway stayed in when he visited Paris. Anyway, I'm just proud of myself for being organized and booking this. I'm also in charge of scheduling our trip while in Paris and also while in Tuscany.
I seriously need to get my hair cut. I'm going to cut about 3 inches off and get it layered funky and what not. I should get a highlight and color soon but seeing as I want to save up for traveling and shopping, I'm going to have to put that off. I seriously need some decent conditioner, though. My hair is beginning to feel like straw. I'm over exaggerating, it doesn't actually feel like straw. But it's dry even though I don't wash it every day. That's about it.

no. 16

To start this post off, I'm going to just let it be known that there is a monster of a fly in my apartment. I swear to god, it is bigger than my thumbnail. It is sick. I am trying everything in my power (minus killing it) to get it through the window and out of my apartment. But, of course, I am failing at doing such. I am not going to be able to fall asleep with that thing flying around sounding like a fucking helicopter. Good thing that my inability to focus on things for very long allowed me to get up and kill that sucker. Fucking gross, dude. (Pardon my French, hah)
Um, to be quite honest, I forgot what I was going to say. I've been having some difficulties staying focused on one thing at one time. It is absolute horror trying to write e-mails.

no. 15

So today was a pretty eventful day. I talked with my mom about my plans for after my stay in Swiss-land is over. Meaning, I told her that I am going back to school for English education and French. She asked where, and I told her. Louisville. University of Louisville, to be exact. Aka every Wildcat's worst nightmare. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for it, but I don't care. I will have fun giving other classmates shit. And it isn't like I'm too big on school spirit anyway. I love the city and I'd be close to my family. I definitely want to be close because my grandmother is getting older, and now she's getting knee surgery in a few months. Also, hearing what Russ had to say about the English and French departments really helped. I feel really confident with my decision. I feel like this is exactly what I should be doing. It's the same feeling I had when I woke up and said to myself, "I am going to be an aupair." It's true, that happened. I tend to talk to myself when I think of something that I find to be a good idea. Anyway, now that I've established that I'm going to be going to UofL, there is a little dilemma and it has something to do with money. Big surprise there, right? Getting on with the point - My parents and I are trying to figure out a way for me to gain residency in Kentucky so I could pay about $12,000 less a year to go to school. This is going to be really tricky but I have confidence that we can figure it out. I mean, 75% of my family lives there and my mother was born and raised there...
In other news, I have decided to cut about 3 inches off of my hair. I am going to be making an appointment sometime tomorrow afternoon. Pretty exciting.
I don't have anything else to say, actually. I just feel good and confident of my decisions. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of my indecisiveness... lord, I hope so.

no. 14

I recently found the website "We Feel Fine." (http://www.wefeelfine.org/) It's really interesting to go through and see what everyone is feeling just around the same time that you're reading it. Sometimes you find one of the posts and it just hits you. For example, someone in Poland is losing their grandmother at this moment. Another person is debating going on a diet, only because she doesn't want to be taken advantage of or be seen as attractive to anybody. Then there are people who are happy they read through Obama's website, because now they feel more informed and they feel like they're doing the right thing. There are people who feel better, who feel sad, who feel lonely, who feel like they should be somewhere else. It's grounding and comforting and uneasy. There are people out there who just said how you feel, but they're talking about themselves. There are people whose opinion on a subject makes you laugh inside. There are people who you just wish were right in front of you so you could hug them and tell them it will all be okay. This website was mainly supposed to be a sociology experiment. I feel like it's doing a lot more than telling us which place in the world has more happy people. I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel. We're all feeling something. The internet is a good place to put it down, only because it's easily accessible. And really, everyone wants somebody to know how they feel. That's why there are things such as blogs.
So, here I am, telling you how I feel about a website that tells you how other people are feeling.
But now I'll talk about other things, which will make me feel completely self absorbed. I feel disconnected and far away. Wait a second, I am far away. I'm very far away. Half of me wants to come home, the other half wants to stay here forever. When I get back to America, I want to go home (see post no. 12). I want to be in a city I love, surrounded by the people I love, the people who love me back. I want to get another cat and live in an old house that is surrounded by old trees that bloom little pink flowers each spring. I want to go back to school (what?!) and study English and French and teach. I feel compelled to teach. I want to be able to give the kids that were like me in high school someone to come to. Basically, I want to be a Mr. Kinsler (minus the Catholic school thing.) But of course, I need to realize that I will have second, third, fourth, nth thoughts about this idea. I know that my imagination will think of something else that sounds just as ravishing. There is just something about this specific thing, though. And I have been getting better about making decisions and being proactive. And (and, and, and,) for the past few months, I've been really sure of this one thing I've been feeling.
Besides that, I wish I would have gotten a chance to talk to him today. I was busy watching a stupid (but hilarious) movie.
One last thing - sometimes I wish I didn't write this all down here. I feel like I'm exposing too much and the wrong person will read it and I'll get embarrassed. But oh well.

no. 13

Today was one of those days where you could do absolutely nothing but sit on a bench and look around you for hours and still feel productive and inspired. Today, I did just that for a little while. Except I was sitting on a bench in the sculpture garden of the art museum in Martigny. I can honestly say that today went better than I planned. I saw so many amazing works of art. I was truly relaxed and content, despite my feet acquiring blisters due to new shoes. Being able to see a lot of Balthus' stuff was really moving. I almost cried when I saw the 40 images from Mitsou. (See image) I'm guessing that's because I just lost my cat. Speaking of, there was a cat at the café that was in the sculpture garden. He came over to my table while I was reading Nabokov and drinking coffee. I pet him and he laid flat on his back and almost fell asleep... until he saw some birds and off he went. I also got to see a lot of Leonardo de Vinci... which was really interesting. I bought my brother some postcards, my grandmother a bookmark, and I also bought a bottle of apricot spirits that was grown/distilled in Valais, the canton where I live. I don't want to open it. Honestly, the only reason I made the purchase is because the bottle is incredibly gorgeous.
Later on in the day, Eron asked about universities in Switzerland. I pointed a few out to him, more specifically the ones in Lausanne because Lausanne is beautiful and close to me. He told me later that he is trying to get over here next summer, but he'd have to take classes or do research. I am really, really excited to hear about that. I could go into it, but I won't. A few of my closest friends and my mother know what I'm talking about. Some things, like Baby Bear's belongings, are just right. On that note, I'm one hundred percent positive that my stomach could win an Olympic gold medal for gymnastics. And now all I can do is sing Goo Goo Dolls... I want to wake up where you are...

no. 12

Today Eron sent me an e-mail asking me if I was coming home for Christmas. Really, it isn't anything big... at least it shouldn't be. I read "home" and immediately thought "Kentucky." I didn't think America, Madison, my parents, no. I thought of Louisville, and I got homesick and worried. I am positive that the holidays will be the hardest time for me to be thousands of miles away from the people I love. Now that I'm on that topic, I'm starting to wonder what's going to happen when my grandmother dies. Every year for the past, I don't know, ever since my mother's family has been a family, everyone gets together for Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house in Louisville. I don't know what's going to happen when she's gone. Our family is close so I hope that we all get together still, and hopefully still in Louisville. I have a feeling that my aunt Marie and uncle Dave will take over the responsibility. I don't want to think about this anymore.
I solved my problem with my lack of English books. A store that's connected to the funiculaire station in Sierre has an extremely small selection of books in English. I found one that seemed interesting and I like it so far. It's "Then We Came to the End" by Joshua Ferris. It's basically a corporate office themed novel and it's pretty good, surprisingly. He has a very modern writing style, but I like it. It comforts me when good, fairly successful authors use words like "fuck-up" in a sentence and it fits so well that you don't realize it.
I have 6 brand new glasses from Ikea and noticing that I don't need 6 new glasses is depressing me. I have zero (seriously) friends here, thus meaning I have no need for more than two glasses. Especially because the only thing I drink besides coffee or espresso is water.
I have nothing else to say. I decided I'm going to go see the Balthus exhibit in Martigny tomorrow. It's probably going to be raining, so perfect. I am also probably going to go to Manor and get a few things for my apartment. I need to go to Ikea again. I need to do a lot of things.
I wish that people would come visit me here. Too bad no one can afford it.

no. 11

So I'm back from Germany. Europa Park was pretty fun. I've been describing it to my family as a good medium between Disney World and Six Flags. Six Flags being for adults and thrill seekers, Disney World for the kids (and also extremely annoying after four hours.) Europa Park has their theme-scheme down pat; They did a great job with the details of every section of their park. They also did a great job with making sure there was things for everybody. Kids had their play places and stupid rides like "Pirates in Batavia", and the grown-ups had thrill rides like EuroMir and the Silver Star. It was a good time, but I'm glad I'm back. There is only so much you can take of something.
Well anyway, I'm in the process of personalizing my apartment. Finally. A month after I move in and I finally do something to make it feel like home. I went to Ikea in Aubonne yesterday. It was a really beautiful drive... being able to look to your side and see the "Swiss Riviera" made an hour and a half fly by. I got a new bedspread and it's totally cute, dude. I also got a few new cups, some new towels, placemats, a new scrubby thing for doing dishes, new pillows (oh my god, awesome) and a dirty clothes hamper. Totally makes a difference, I'm not even kidding. There was a really awesome print that I wanted of tree branches from the perspective of if you were looking up at the sky in a forest. It would go perfectly on this wall but, of course, it was like 95 CHF. No dice. I still have a lot of things to buy for my apartment to make it how I want it... I actually just made a list. It's kind of long but I seriously am in need of this shit. I'm going to have to go to Ikea again on a Saturday that I have off. I'm going to have to stop in Geneva and go to this bookstore that sells English books on the same day. I only have one short story left of my FINAL book that I have in English, it's rather upsetting. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done.
Speaking of needing things... I am slowly withering away. I am in desperate need of a ukulele.

no. 10

I'm going to Germany in the morning for three days. We're all going to Europa Park. I'm pretty excited about it. A part of me really needs to get into a routine, though. I haven't been able to sleep well. That isn't very new, though. I've consistently haven't been able to sleep well for extended periods of time for the past 10 years of my life.
Either way, I've been throwing around ideas for my future. (Here we go again...) I have been thinking about radio, among other things. That comes from me listening to a lot of This American Life podcasts. Speaking of listening to things... I've finally mustered up the courage to download the MGMT album. They are exactly what My Old Kentucky Blog said they were. They're a band you hate to love. They are the epitome of a Urban Outfitters/American Apparel love child. They are catchy and intricate and awesome.
I hate the way this blog looks, but I am incapable of doing a decent job with HTML and I am not going to go surfing the web for something to fix it, either.
Tonight I watched Coffee and Cigarettes. The short with GZA and RZA and Bill Murray is fantastic. God, I love that man. Bill Murray, that is.
A large portion of me wants to stay in Europe forever. At the same time, a decent sized portion of me wants to live in a small house in Louisville with a new kitten, my bike, and a fresh pot of fair trade coffee, with no real plans.

no. 9

Hello and yet again, a lot of things have happened in the past week or so.
I got back to Switzerland just fine. I met some really cool people on my flight back. One guy whose dad lives in Italy, another guy who is from Lithuania. I wish I would have gotten contact information from both of them. They were both really, really cool. The flight back inspired me to organize and motivate myself to do a few things... one of them being to start writing a short story I have an idea for, the other to really practice my French hard and then (or perhaps at the same time) learn Russian, Lithuanian, or any other northern/eastern European language. If I learn Russian, it'll be easier for me to learn other languages that are similar... like Lithuanian or something. That would be just plain awesome.
Anyway, Antoine's cousins are in town. Well, the older one, Titiana just left yesterday. One day we all went to this place called Labyrinth Aventure. It's basically a huge maze, plus huge slides, plus really ridiculous activities like mini golf (pool table style) and wooden pinball mechanisms. They did have one of those old school bicycles that you could ride, though. Like the one on the right there. But obviously not with a dude like that riding it... though it was pretty funny seeing an obviously German guy with a beer belly riding it. Hah.
We also went to this place called AquaParc... which is equivalent to the water park at the Wilderness Resort in the Wisconsin Dells. I had fun, I suppose. I had fun if you count being in a chlorine infested space surrounded by a thousand screaming children all in a language you don't fully understand. It was whatever, though. It kept the kids busy and swimming is good exercise, right?
Anyway, now the post is going to get pretty sad... my mother called me on Saturday night. I still don't believe what she said to me is real. She told me my cat passed away on Friday. I am so sad. I guess that his tumors were cancerous. I don't even really want to say anymore about it. It seems fake, as if I'm in a dream. As if when I go back to America, he'll be there to greet me. I just have to take everything in stride.
So much in my life is changing that it's getting hard to comprehend everything at once. I just need to take everything in stride. I need to have patience and I need to stay motivated.

Yesterday I spent the day making "podcasts". I got bored and started fooling around with GarageBand. Here are the first three episodes... Just go ahead and click the episode title to download.

Swiss Cheese - A Podcast with Cara Tobe
Episode #1 - Viva La Uke
A podcast dedicated to everyone's favorite little instrument... the ukulele!

Episode #2 - The Cover Edition
Cara shows you a few of her favorite cover songs.

Episode #3 - Swiss Discothèque
An hour-long dance mix that Cara put together.

no. 8

So a lot of things have happened in the past few days. It has been really pretty stressful, but it will be worth it in the long run.
On Tuesday, Michèle got an e-mail from the Swiss administration saying that my visa was accepted and that I could pick it up whenever. We called Sion to see when/where I could pick it up, more specifically if I could pick it up in Lyon, France the next day. Of course, our luck sucks. Turns out I had to go back to the States in order to pick up my visa. So, the next morning I got on a plane to Washington DC. I'm staying with my friend Ethan in La Plata, Maryland and it's been a good time.
Anyway, I finally picked up my visa yesterday. It looks really bad ass in my passport.

no. 7

Well, this weekend was absolute, pure insanity. I have done so much in the past 48 hours it's ridiculous. Let me tell you about it. (my pokemans, let me show you them.)
It all started Saturday during lunch with Michèle and Maurice. We were eating outside and Maurice mentioned something about how he saw a good American soul singer at the Montreux Jazz Festival a few days ago. Michèle said that I should go and forced 50 CHF in my hands. About a half an hour later, I'm on a train to Montreux, Switzerland. For those who don't know, Montreux is a part of what they call the "Swiss Riviera" and the Montreux Jazz Festival is one of the biggest musical festivals in the world. Deep Purple's song "Smoke on the Water" is about a fire in Montreux. Speaking of, Deep Purple played at the festival Saturday night.
So anyway, I get to Montreux and I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of it. I can honestly say it is probably one of the most beautiful places in the world. Do a Google Images search. Anyway, I'm there and it's gorgeous. I took a long walk through the outdoor shopping part of the festival which is quite literally on the shores of Lake Geneva. The lake isn't like any lake in the states. Meaning, it's like crystal clear water. It's like a sea or something. It's gorgeous. I eventually went to the actual festival and immediately got sucked into all it's glory. I didn't think I was going to stay for more than just the afternoon but as soon as I saw the program and walked through everything, I made the decision to stay up until 5 am to catch the train back to Sierre. I hung out at the outdoor stage and watched a big brass band from Maryland play and watched a Swiss hip hop group perform as well. I eventually went inside to the Montreux Jazz Club and got a beer and was sitting down relaxing my legs and feet when a guy from England with a Clash T-shirt came up and asked if I wanted to sit with him. He turned out to be really cool and we talked about punk and the school systems in the United States and in the UK. He was going to go see Deep Purple and he told me that he met a guy who was selling tickets if I wanted to go. We went to go find the guy, who was a security guard at the MJC, and it turns out he was just going to give him a free bracelet. So, I got the free bracelet. We went to go to Deep Purple and while on my way in they said the bracelet was for the hip hop show in the smaller auditorium, Miles Davis Hall. So I just went and it turns out that it was EPMD, Just Blaze, and Saigon. I got there in time to see the latter portion of Saigon's act and it was intense. I got a beer and just was hanging out and during Just Blaze's performance (which was absolutely amazing and provided more dance fun than any iQ night ever) I met two guys. One, Kyle, was from Chicago and works in Geneva, and the other, Keis, lives in Copenhagen and was on vacation with his mom. Turns out that they just met that night and were hanging out buying beers for each other. I joined their group and we dubbed ourselves a tripod. Those two are ridiculous and a lot of fun. So after the show, we went to the Montreux Jazz Club to drink more and be awesome. While we were there, we met a guy named Gabriel who lives in Montreux but is from somewhere in France. Keis was talking to him while Kyle asked me if he could wear my glasses so he could look more smart. We turned to Gabriel and asked him if Kyle looked any smarter and he stared at him and was like, "Um... nope. Not at all." From then on we became a big group of about 8 people. I met Gabriel's girlfriend and she was from Germany or from the northern part of Switzerland so she spoke German or something like that, but she was really cool too. So we're all hanging out, having a good time, being drunk, whatever. Eventually Kyle and I were just hanging out talking and making jokes and what not when all of a sudden we just couldn't breathe and our eyes started to water and we were coughing. Keis came up and was like, "Yeah I think we should get out of here, now. There was a huge fight just next to you guys and security used tear gas." What the hell? Hahah. I'm still wondering why I didn't see the fight. Then again, it was really crowded and loud, and I had a few beers in me.
After that, Keis went back to his hotel and Kyle and I caught the 5 am train to Geneva. We didn't get back to his apartment until almost 7 am. Quite literally, the sun was shining. We only got a few hours of sleep, but oh well. It was totally worth it. We got lunch / breakfast / brunch at a cute café by his apartment and then went on a walk to the park/lake. I saw the infamous fountain! Eventually Keis called us and we went to meet him and his mom at the Starbucks by the train station. We went on a long walk around all of Geneva. We saw generally everything we needed to see. Keis's mom is really cool and fun to talk to. We were talking about politics and differences and similarities between the USA and Denmark. They're really hoping that Obama becomes president because they feel like there will be hope for Denmark. I guess everything that America does, Denmark copies. Trends, government, movies, etc.
Basically, the whole weekend was fantastic. I'm so glad that I went to Montreux.

no. 6

Yesterday I rediscovered the glory of the library. In the past week, I've started and finished two books and I'm halfway through my third. I'm actually sitting here at the bibliothèque right now. I just checked out two books... in French. I'm going to start reading in French so then that way I'll learn quicker.
Well besides that, I'm in seriously deep thought concerning my future. I would go deeper into it but I'm only going to say one thing... I have someone to come home to that isn't just my family or my friends. It feels good, and my mom knows exactly how I feel. I want to ask her more questions about when she met my dad but I'm nervous about that.
I really should go to the Migros and get something to eat and then go try to find someone to get a drink with. I should start making friends here but it's so hard.

no. 5

So I'm a good week into my stay here in Switzerland. It's really interesting and I'm growing to like it a lot more. Michèle and I were talking yesterday after lunch about how close everything is... for instance, Italy is 2 hours away and I can see France from the deck. It's so crazy to think about that. I'm probably going to be going to Milan sometime soon because, well, I can!
I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. As some of my closest friends know, that's sort of a big deal. I never think that far in advance. But anyway, I'm actually thinking of going back to school. I want to be engaged in discussions about something to do with literature or the politics of society. I'm not positive on where I want to go specifically, or even if I want to go back to school as soon as I get back to the States, so really who knows what will happen. It's just an idea or two.
In other news, I am seriously craving my ukulele. I had absolutely nothing going on last night and all I wanted to do was play. It was a perfect night to sit on a bench outside and play my baby uke looking over the Swiss Alps. I should have brought it on the plane with me, but my mother insisted it would be too much. No, not really. But oh well. I'm just anxiously waiting for it to arrive via La Poste.
I don't do anything in my free time. I should be traveling, but every morning I have to do stupid little things. I want to be in Geneva, Zurich, Lausanne, Milan, anywhere in Europe.

no. 4

Salut encore!
I'm writing this post from the terrace of a bar/café in Crans. It's so ridiculously nice out, but in the shade it's a little chilly. That isn't a big deal, though.
Last night Michèle et moi went to a brass band / chorus concert with some of her friends. The concert is a part of a series that has bands from America come and perform. They happen twice a week and each time it's a different state or part of the country (New England). Last night, Minnesota played. It was fine. Hanging out with Michèle and her friends was the best part. The band was a little off tempo and the chorus sang only religious songs. Yay "God"? I'm glad Michèle agrees with me on the ridiculousness of the Catholic church. The only good thing about the concert was that someone from St. Mary's college played a song by Mozart on the piccolo and it was absolutely beautiful.
Today I went on a hike in the mountains. Um, I can't even begin to explain how gorgeous it was so look at my Flickr for pictures. http://www.flickr.com/photos/pasteques/
My legs kind of hurt now but, oh well. Life goes on.
I seriously want the waitress to come back so I can get something to eat. I'm starrrving.

no. 3

Things are basically a roller coaster. I have just a few minutes to try to type out what the hell happened the past few days.
I have done my fair share of crying and carrying-on, and in all reality I just want to go home. And by home I mean the road. I have this urge (thanks to Mr. Kerouac) to take whatever I have and book it. I want to travel all around the world. I want to have no boundaries and no plans and just go wherever life leads me. But instead, I'm here. Still here. I mean, I couldn't be in a better place. Italy, France, Germany and Austria are all a matter of a few hours travel away. I just wish I didn't have to work.
Anyway, Saturday night I was bored and decided to (wo)man up and go out. I went to this Café-Bar place and sat outside with a cup of café noir and read my book. After an hour or so, a guy named Alan from Paris started talking to me. It was rather funny. His English wasn't that great and my French isn't that great so our conversation must have sounded humorous. "I don't understand" and "Je ne comprends pas" were common phrases. Oh, I have to mention that he still, to this moment, thinks that my name is Carla.
Antoine is at summer camp right now for two weeks. It's a lot less stressful. I just had to do a few things around the house this morning and now I'm waiting to start lunch. I'm never really hungry at lunch time and Michèle is so it's a rather interesting sight. After lunch, she is showing me how to do laundry and then we're going to drive down to Sierre and go shopping at the Migros (grocery store) down there. I am kind of excited about that because I seriously need to make my apartment more "homey". I also can't wait until my mom sends my ukulele.
I didn't accomplish what I wanted to with this post. It isn't a big deal, though. I need to go clean and cut tomatoes.

no. 2

So, a lot of things have changed since my last post.
Currently, I am an emotional train wreck. Yeah. It's actually really terrible. Then again, I'm exaggerating the terrible part. I just feel completely overwhelmed. There are so many things that I've never had to do i.e. take care of a child, create a menu for a family for lunch (not dinner), drive a manual car, speak French, use foreign currency, etc. Really, the little jobs I have to do aren't the problem. Neither is Antoine. It's the mom that I'm worried about. I try to do something right and somehow I do it wrong and she gets so frustrated with me and yells... but what does she expect? It's my 3rd day here and I don't know French and I have never done anything like this before. I'm not some super hero nanny on steroids. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what they like and don't like, I have no clue. She expects a lot from me so soon. I'm not capable of giving her that.
And as much as I thought I'd never miss America, I seriously miss my family and my friends. I want to be able to ride bikes to Escape and take day trips to Chicago and be able to drive to Louisville. I don't know. I'm so nervous and frustrated and scared.
On the plus side, it's beautiful still. Don't think that will change anytime soon. I also met a girl from Cannes and she is really cool. I might go out with her tonight, I'm not sure. I know that if I'm still here when the Cannes Festival is going on, I'm going to go visit her and go to that with her. Also next weekend, I'm going to Zürich and hanging out with Martin. I'm excited about that! Oh and Susie is in Geneva for the next two weeks and then going to Italy to be with her boyfriend Marco, I might go hang out with her at either place sometime soon. I want to see Europe, I just am having a hard time being here in Aminona.
I met the neighbors today, well the dad (Stephane) and the little girl. They're really cool and super nice. They are vegetarians and musicians... Stephane plays the piano and sings. I told him I play the ukulele so maybe once I get that sent over, him and I can "jam sesh". Maybe I'll learn how to play the piano as well as speak French.
Anyway, who knows where I'll be come two weeks from now. I don't want to plan on anything besides traveling right now. My mind doesn't think that far in advance when it comes to big decisions. I've also been thinking a lot about my future (ha, imagine that) and I definitely want to stick with writing and reading and what not. Speaking of, I'm currently reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac. I love it.
And now, a quote.

"And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."

no. 1

7/9/08
Because I don’t have internet connection in my new Swiss apartment, I’m going to write my journals on a Word document and then post them in this blog once I get to Michèle’s or to an internet café.

Anyhow, let me throw out a little background information.
My name is Cara and I am 19 years old. Born in Cincinnati, raised (mostly) in Madison, currently living in Aminona, Valais, Switzerland. For the past 10 years or so, I’ve absolutely despised school. I didn’t like middle school; I hated high school; I dropped out of college (University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee) after my first semester. After I dropped out, I worked at an upscale salon, spa, “and yoga” called ANiU Salon, Spa, and Yoga as a receptionist. I absolutely loved my job there. I met great people and made great friends, and not to mention that the perks were great. My hair hasn’t looked this good in… ever. I worked there for a little more than six months.
About two months ago, I was trying to find myself a way to get the hell out of Madison. I mean Madison is great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that when you’ve lived there for half your life, you get real sick of it. There are only so many things you can do. Anyway, I seriously wanted out of there. I started to search my mind, and the Internet, for possibilities. First I thought I would move to Louisville, where the majority of my family is from. Then I thought that perhaps that wouldn’t be worth it because I already know enough people there, so I thought maybe I should move to Denver. But no, didn’t feel like it. After that, I decided I would take a month off of work and travel and live in hostels in southern France. No, too expensive. But then, one night I was brainstorming before I went to bed, and ah ha! I came up with the idea of being an aupair. I would get paid, travel, and become fluent in French! Score
So I did. And now here I am. I am taking care of a little boy named Antoine. He is 7 years old and a little bundle of energy. He is adorable. The mother is Michèle and she is an amazing person. She is so nice and very funny. She rents out apartments for people going on holiday. I couldn’t have asked for a better family to work with/for. I have an apartment where Michèle works and that is just so nice. I get paid 800 CHF a month and I have my own little Fiat Panda 4x4 to scoot around town with.
So far, I am absolutely loving this. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful the Alps are. I am an hour away from the Matterhorn and two hours away from Mont Blanc. It’s super sunny but the air is fairly cold. It’s nice, though. I’m already a little sunburned on my nose.
The only thing that is frustrating is that I’m not that great at French yet. I’m learning slowly. Being completely surrounded by everything being in either French or German, is definitely helping though. Antoine goes to camp in a few days so I plan on taking a few French lessons. I also plan on traveling to Geneva or to Zurich.
I’m pretty tired… I just got in to Switzerland yesterday evening and jetlag is still there. I think I’m going to go watch TV and fall asleep. I have a lot of things to do tomorrow.