no. 14

I recently found the website "We Feel Fine." (http://www.wefeelfine.org/) It's really interesting to go through and see what everyone is feeling just around the same time that you're reading it. Sometimes you find one of the posts and it just hits you. For example, someone in Poland is losing their grandmother at this moment. Another person is debating going on a diet, only because she doesn't want to be taken advantage of or be seen as attractive to anybody. Then there are people who are happy they read through Obama's website, because now they feel more informed and they feel like they're doing the right thing. There are people who feel better, who feel sad, who feel lonely, who feel like they should be somewhere else. It's grounding and comforting and uneasy. There are people out there who just said how you feel, but they're talking about themselves. There are people whose opinion on a subject makes you laugh inside. There are people who you just wish were right in front of you so you could hug them and tell them it will all be okay. This website was mainly supposed to be a sociology experiment. I feel like it's doing a lot more than telling us which place in the world has more happy people. I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel. We're all feeling something. The internet is a good place to put it down, only because it's easily accessible. And really, everyone wants somebody to know how they feel. That's why there are things such as blogs.
So, here I am, telling you how I feel about a website that tells you how other people are feeling.
But now I'll talk about other things, which will make me feel completely self absorbed. I feel disconnected and far away. Wait a second, I am far away. I'm very far away. Half of me wants to come home, the other half wants to stay here forever. When I get back to America, I want to go home (see post no. 12). I want to be in a city I love, surrounded by the people I love, the people who love me back. I want to get another cat and live in an old house that is surrounded by old trees that bloom little pink flowers each spring. I want to go back to school (what?!) and study English and French and teach. I feel compelled to teach. I want to be able to give the kids that were like me in high school someone to come to. Basically, I want to be a Mr. Kinsler (minus the Catholic school thing.) But of course, I need to realize that I will have second, third, fourth, nth thoughts about this idea. I know that my imagination will think of something else that sounds just as ravishing. There is just something about this specific thing, though. And I have been getting better about making decisions and being proactive. And (and, and, and,) for the past few months, I've been really sure of this one thing I've been feeling.
Besides that, I wish I would have gotten a chance to talk to him today. I was busy watching a stupid (but hilarious) movie.
One last thing - sometimes I wish I didn't write this all down here. I feel like I'm exposing too much and the wrong person will read it and I'll get embarrassed. But oh well.